I was just going to update my page with a few comments about eating liver but it got a bit long! Lol! So I thought I’d put a quick blog piece together for you and that way I can answer some of the questions I’ve been asked.
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If you’re new to this blog or can’t remember what I did then here is a quick recollection: I was getting dry skin again, my lips had gone very dry and cracked, my appetite was a bit blunted, and my sleep wasn’t great. All signs that things were taking a big step backwards, especially after I spent a day in the sunshine (a lovely, relaxing day) and then barely slept at night. Before I messed with stupid diets and ruined my health I would get the best night’s sleep after being in the fresh air and sunshine all day! I pondered what might be going on and decided I would add in some liver (as I’d not had any in a while and it ticks a lot of nutritional boxes!) So I had a small amount with mash, just for one meal, for a few days on the run (3 I think). Then I started to feel a bit strange and had a tiny, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. So I stopped eating it. After a couple of days my sleep was still a bit off so I decided I must need more liver!! Probably wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had (but then again not the worst either! Lol!)

I started to get bursts of anxiety coming back. I felt jittery and unmotivated. My sleep was all over the place and I would wake often in the night to pee. I had a weird metallic taste in my mouth and my gums would just suddenly start bleeding. All very strange and not particularly pleasant!

It took about a week to feel normal again (whatever that is! Lol!) My normal is feeling relaxed, pretty motivated (if sometimes a little distracted!), being able to come up with good ideas, mostly get stuff done, and have a reasonably good night’s sleep.
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I just want to stress at this point that I don’t believe liver causes anxiety per se. I don’t believe any food causes anxiety as a blanket statement but I do believe you can overwhelm your body with some foods or you can become slightly intolerant of foods for various reasons. I puzzled over what was going on for a little bit and the liver (or the nutrients contained within the liver) definitely overwhelmed my body. It took a week for the small bursts of anxiety to calm down. I also had small bursts of anxiety after eating steak, lamb, and eggs (all with potatoes of course!) at various times during that week so for a few days I just ate foods like sausage, beans and mash, which my body seems to like a lot! Eating steak and chips doesn’t normally cause me any anxiety so I can only assume that the steak had too much of some particular nutrient, on top of whatever was in the liver. I thought it might be to do with vitamin A to start with but after checking out the nutrient profiles of these foods then I’m leaning more towards it being something to do with an overload of B vitamins (or one of them!) I’ll never know for certain though so I’m not making a big thing of it. It’s all calmed down now so I can eat steak (or lamb, or eggs!) and chips with no negative symptoms.

Just after it had started to calm down I had a strange afternoon where I was putting some ice cream out for one of the kids and I suddenly really fancied some. I guess that isn’t really so strange but I haven’t been bothered about eating ice cream for ages and when I last tried eating it, it dropped my temperature like a stone!! No idea why but as I wasn’t that bothered about eating it then it was no big drama. Anyway as I suddenly wanted some I decided to give it a go. So I grabbed a spoon and the tub and sat down to enjoy it! It was cookie dough and it was delicious, so I carried on eating it! Haha! I think I nearly ate half the tub in the end! Yum! Happily it did not drop my temperature this time. Then the strangest thing happened – I was starving about an hour later. So I ate more food. That night I slept really well and I thought ‘My God! I’ve cracked it!’ Ha! Well no, as in all things health related, nothing is ever that straight forward hey! The following day I was pretty hungry again (think I added in an extra meal each day, plus quite a lot of ice cream) and then the weirdest thing happened to me: I felt starving and really full at the same time. I’ve heard of this happening to people but never had it happen to me before. I carried on as normal for a bit but then began to feel really bloated and by the end of the day I felt like I could not eat another thing ever again. I then had a pants night sleep! So much for that! The next day I just felt a bit sick and a bit weird (again!!), so I stopped the ice cream (I didn’t fancy it anymore anyway!) and went back to the usual small meals (again! I can see a pattern forming here! Lol!). I felt a bit out of it and a bit cross for a day or two and then normality returned! Again!

I can only assume that the extra ice cream and the extra food served to try and increase my metabolism and, similar to everything else that has tried to do that, overwhelmed my body, which I think does not like to be rushed! Haha! All in good time I guess. It’s more important to me that I feel nice and relaxed and in control of my life, not stressed, anxious, and cross, whilst trying to get my metabolic rate higher!

Anyway, as always I hope that you have enjoyed my ramblings and that they might be of use to some people. Remember that they are just my ramblings and my mini experiments to see what works for me, but everybody is different. I just think it’s good to talk about our experiences! Follow your intuition and ponder about things – it’s amazing where a bit of pondering will lead you. Take care xx

​This post is in response to the messages we are bombarded with on a daily basis: that to have an acceptable bikini body you must look a certain way. Actually, it’s not even just about having a bikini body! We are constantly told that we must look a certain way to be accepted and to be worthy. Here’s just a sample (of the thousands) of magazines that encourage you to have a bikini body:

Gwyneth is apparently ‘crazy fit’ (whatever that means?) and ‘totally uncensored’! Well, erm, good for her! Can’t beat a bit of uncensoring!!?
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When I first started eating proper meals again (including a healthy dose of carbs) my weight shot up by a massive 80 lbs in 6 months. It was pretty horrifying to be honest. I’ve been a size 8-10 all my life so to suddenly find myself with a sort of pregnant looking stomach, water retention all over, and buying size 18 clothes was like torture. I was no longer acceptable. I started lifting weights because I knew building muscle could help your metabolism and I wanted the weight to come off. Alas though, my stress  hormones were still too high and my metabolism was barely doing anything, so all that happened was that I made myself feel ill as well as being fat. I bought stretchy clothes and tried not to think about it! My relationship didn’t help as that was falling apart due to my ex not liking the way I looked anymore.

I didn’t really start to feel comfortable until I started feeling better, and by better I mean that the anxiety had mostly gone and I had some of my energy back. This took me about 18 months. Then 6 months after that, when I moved into my own home, and had no one judging me or watching me, I started to relax.

Now that I feel a million times better, my energy is getting much better, and my head is in a really good place, I don’t give a flying monkey’s butt about my weight or what I look like! When the sun comes out (which is a monumental occasion in the UK!!) then I want to be able to enjoy it, not cover up as if I’m something to be ashamed of. So the other day, when the sun was shining brightly and the sky was beautifully blue, I donned my new bikini (a nice little bargain from Figleaves!) and spent plenty of time outside with my daughter. We snapped some pics to share with you, to show that having a ‘bikini body’ only requires a bikini and a body and an ability to ignore all the noise that comes from people protesting about the ‘fat’ or ‘inappropriately dressed' people, usually under the guise of worrying about their health!! Which makes me laugh as you can’t tell a damn thing from people’s health just by looking! Also, I haven’t asked anybody to worry about my health on my behalf thank you very much! 

I can't tell you just how freeing  it is to not  be  bothered about how you look in a bikini and to just enjoy the  day, and the feel of the sun on your skin!  If you're repulsed by  the look or shape of my belly then just don't look at it I guess! Lol!  It's just a part of me at the moment, and it's not a part  that I'm willing to let define me.  We had a fab day  in the sunshine, laughing and joking.  Life is short so I feel time is best spent  with people you love, doing things you enjoy - not worrying about  chasing a  'perfect figure' goal that is mostly unattainable. 

Anyway, that's  my  rambling over with for the day! Lol! I just hope to join in spreading the message that  people are all worthy no matter how they look and should be able to wear a bikini without worrying  :-)  

So  enjoy your day, enjoy  life and enjoying wearing a bikini  if you damn well want to!  Feel free to share some positivity  in the comments  if you like  - I always love to hear from people. Perhaps we can start a bikini gallery?  Hope you enjoyed my ramblings! Take care x