“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again & expecting different results” ~ Albert Einstein
Lately I have felt a bit like I’m going insane! My sleep has been getting worse and worse, my water retention is still no better, my energy has been on a downward slide and my back has been hurting again. Tiny bits of anxiety have been coming back and no matter how many potatoes I eat I just can’t seem to feel any better. Hence the Einstein quote above. I can’t keep on doing what I’m doing because it’s just not working for me anymore. In fact, thinking about it, it hasn’t been working for about the past 6 months. So I think people may be forgiven for thinking I’m pretty insane, especially considering about a couple of months ago I figured the problem was that I just wasn’t eating enough potatoes so I’d better eat more! Doh! Initially that did seem to be helping but not for long. I’ve been getting bugs galore and my lips were constantly dry and cracked and so were my elbows. Then a few days ago my feet went like lizard feet – really dry and scaly, and my toes were swelling up. Eek! Not good!
For a few days earlier this week I’ll admit I started to freak out a bit. I hadn’t quite got to the ‘perhaps I should eat something other than potatoes bit’ and I was failing to come up with a plan. Usually the thing that keeps me going is that I have a plan, something to try out, that might just be the thing my body needs, but I had nothing! Nada! And very little sleep either! The thing that panics me the most is ending up back where I started 3 years ago, with raging anxiety. That’s a dark place that I never want to return to. I guess some of you may be wondering why on earth I clung to the idea that eating so many potatoes every day was a good idea (which would be a reasonable question!). Aside from the fact that they cover a lot of bases in the vitamin and mineral department, they helped me get out of the hole I was in and the thing that scares me most is ending up back in that hole. I guess if you’re lucky enough to have never experienced raging anxiety that stops you from leaving the house and paralyses you from doing, well just about anything really, then you might not understand why I clung so hard and fast to potatoes. Potatoes were my version of a life raft for a drowning man!
Lately I have felt a bit like I’m going insane! My sleep has been getting worse and worse, my water retention is still no better, my energy has been on a downward slide and my back has been hurting again. Tiny bits of anxiety have been coming back and no matter how many potatoes I eat I just can’t seem to feel any better. Hence the Einstein quote above. I can’t keep on doing what I’m doing because it’s just not working for me anymore. In fact, thinking about it, it hasn’t been working for about the past 6 months. So I think people may be forgiven for thinking I’m pretty insane, especially considering about a couple of months ago I figured the problem was that I just wasn’t eating enough potatoes so I’d better eat more! Doh! Initially that did seem to be helping but not for long. I’ve been getting bugs galore and my lips were constantly dry and cracked and so were my elbows. Then a few days ago my feet went like lizard feet – really dry and scaly, and my toes were swelling up. Eek! Not good!
For a few days earlier this week I’ll admit I started to freak out a bit. I hadn’t quite got to the ‘perhaps I should eat something other than potatoes bit’ and I was failing to come up with a plan. Usually the thing that keeps me going is that I have a plan, something to try out, that might just be the thing my body needs, but I had nothing! Nada! And very little sleep either! The thing that panics me the most is ending up back where I started 3 years ago, with raging anxiety. That’s a dark place that I never want to return to. I guess some of you may be wondering why on earth I clung to the idea that eating so many potatoes every day was a good idea (which would be a reasonable question!). Aside from the fact that they cover a lot of bases in the vitamin and mineral department, they helped me get out of the hole I was in and the thing that scares me most is ending up back in that hole. I guess if you’re lucky enough to have never experienced raging anxiety that stops you from leaving the house and paralyses you from doing, well just about anything really, then you might not understand why I clung so hard and fast to potatoes. Potatoes were my version of a life raft for a drowning man!
Thinking back to my first visit to see Billy (when I was a mess) I am reminded that, although he would never tell anyone what to eat, some of his main advice was to just ‘eat a variety of foods’. Yes, seems I took that advice on board well! No wonder he thinks I’m a bit, what was it my sister said? Oh yes, ‘wacky’!! Oh well, in my defence, I was in a bad place and clearly not thinking straight!
So potatoes are out and variety is in! Potatoes are so last week don’t cha know! This is a strange feeling that I don’t really know how to describe. Because I was so fixated on the ‘potatoes are fixing me’ I hadn’t realised just how strange that was. It was like I had created a weird ass prison for myself and I could go nowhere and do nothing without thinking about how I was going to eat potatoes. I wouldn’t have minded if that was really the best solution but it wasn’t! Balance is key. Variety means you are more likely to cover all nutrient bases, even if the one food you choose is fairly nutrient rich.
I always think you can tell when you’ve been doing something particularly weird when, afterwards, you have no idea how to proceed! I was suddenly free from potatoes but had no idea what to eat. How strange and a little bit sad. So I mooched around the supermarket wondering what I would actually like to eat and eventually settled on ingredients to make a prawn risotto, and a chili. I also picked up sourdough bread and some marmalade. For the first time in 2 ½ years I had something other than eggs and potatoes for breakfast! [Cue song: For the times they are a-changin’!!] I chowed down on boiled eggs with sort of soldiers (chunks of sourdough bread), some bread and marmalade and a cup of coffee. It was lovely!
So potatoes are out and variety is in! Potatoes are so last week don’t cha know! This is a strange feeling that I don’t really know how to describe. Because I was so fixated on the ‘potatoes are fixing me’ I hadn’t realised just how strange that was. It was like I had created a weird ass prison for myself and I could go nowhere and do nothing without thinking about how I was going to eat potatoes. I wouldn’t have minded if that was really the best solution but it wasn’t! Balance is key. Variety means you are more likely to cover all nutrient bases, even if the one food you choose is fairly nutrient rich.
I always think you can tell when you’ve been doing something particularly weird when, afterwards, you have no idea how to proceed! I was suddenly free from potatoes but had no idea what to eat. How strange and a little bit sad. So I mooched around the supermarket wondering what I would actually like to eat and eventually settled on ingredients to make a prawn risotto, and a chili. I also picked up sourdough bread and some marmalade. For the first time in 2 ½ years I had something other than eggs and potatoes for breakfast! [Cue song: For the times they are a-changin’!!] I chowed down on boiled eggs with sort of soldiers (chunks of sourdough bread), some bread and marmalade and a cup of coffee. It was lovely!
I’m happy to say that I can still manage to cook things other than potatoes! My risotto and chili were both lovely but it was weird eating them. I still had a weird sense that eating something else would bring my anxiety back. Just goes to show how deeply fear can ingrain and entangle itself in your beliefs. I had no anxiety though for the main part, just a tiny weird feeling following some stewed apple, so I’ll just introduce fruit slowly. I’m doing better today and the fear is slowly subsiding. Hopefully I’m heading towards a more normal – pah! What’s that? – nay, a more balanced view of food and eating.
So, after a full day and a half with no potatoes already my feet, lips and elbows are less dry. I think I slept better last night – it’s hard to tell because I’m full of cold and was coughing quite a bit. I woke up twice to pee but on both occasions went straight back to sleep. Previously I was finding it harder and harder to get back to sleep and would be up for 2 or 3 hours in the night.
My blood sugar no longer feels like it is rolling around all over the place and I can go for longer than 2 or 3 hours without eating. Yesterday I had breakfast at around 9.30, lunch at 1.30, snack at 5.30 (got hungry whilst waiting for family to join us for tea!), tea at 7ish and supper at 11.30 (it got very late as we got distracted by Mario Kart on the Wii U!!)
I seem to be able to tolerate milk and coffee better now. I was finding that I wanted it less and less anyway when I was stuffing my face with potatoes, which is probably because my metabolism was slowing down with all the potatoes instead of speeding up!! Doh! Previously I couldn’t do coffee first thing because it just didn’t sit well with me and I never liked it. Now it’s absolutely fine and I thoroughly enjoy it :-)
My thirst and cravings for coke (coca cola – nothing more exotic than that!!) have totally gone away. I was craving so much coke before (maybe because my metabolism was struggling so much?) but then when I’d finished drinking it I would still be thirsty and no amount of drinking would quench my thirst. A definite sign of stress hormones rising.
Lastly, (and don’t read this if you’re squeamish about bodily functions!!) I noticed yesterday that my pee smelt really strongly of ammonia, like back to how it was 2 ½ years ago. Another confirmation of how stressed my body was getting.
My blood sugar no longer feels like it is rolling around all over the place and I can go for longer than 2 or 3 hours without eating. Yesterday I had breakfast at around 9.30, lunch at 1.30, snack at 5.30 (got hungry whilst waiting for family to join us for tea!), tea at 7ish and supper at 11.30 (it got very late as we got distracted by Mario Kart on the Wii U!!)
I seem to be able to tolerate milk and coffee better now. I was finding that I wanted it less and less anyway when I was stuffing my face with potatoes, which is probably because my metabolism was slowing down with all the potatoes instead of speeding up!! Doh! Previously I couldn’t do coffee first thing because it just didn’t sit well with me and I never liked it. Now it’s absolutely fine and I thoroughly enjoy it :-)
My thirst and cravings for coke (coca cola – nothing more exotic than that!!) have totally gone away. I was craving so much coke before (maybe because my metabolism was struggling so much?) but then when I’d finished drinking it I would still be thirsty and no amount of drinking would quench my thirst. A definite sign of stress hormones rising.
Lastly, (and don’t read this if you’re squeamish about bodily functions!!) I noticed yesterday that my pee smelt really strongly of ammonia, like back to how it was 2 ½ years ago. Another confirmation of how stressed my body was getting.
I’m a little sad that even though I say all the time to ‘listen to your body’, I totally missed the signs. I was so ingrained in my potato eating that I was ducking and diving all over to find a solution of why things were going wrong, when the answer was so blinkin' obvious! But hey, that’s how I learn things. I’m a bit gung ho. I follow paths that I maybe shouldn’t follow, or that I should leave sooner than I do but hey, they are my paths! I learn lessons every single time ;) Slowly, slowly I’m learning to trust my body again, and to trust that I don’t have to cling to any one food as my salvation! And I’m delighted that I can once again leave the house without worrying about potatoes and where I will find them every few hours!
As always, I hope you’ve enjoyed my ramblings, and that they have shown once again why you should listen only to your body and never to anyone else (and certainly not me! Haha!) There are many paths to good health. Thanks for reading and sharing my journey. Huge thanks to Briana who helped me realise that potatoes might not actually be the answer (in the most tactful way without even telling me I was being ridiculous!!), and answered all my panicked messages about things going wrong – she is a superstar and runs the Facebook group Health Recalibrated – so go join for some great discussions!
Feel free to share any comments, questions, stories (similar stories of foolishness especially welcome!!)- I always love hearing from you. Sharing stories and connecting with others is a great way to share information. Take care x
As always, I hope you’ve enjoyed my ramblings, and that they have shown once again why you should listen only to your body and never to anyone else (and certainly not me! Haha!) There are many paths to good health. Thanks for reading and sharing my journey. Huge thanks to Briana who helped me realise that potatoes might not actually be the answer (in the most tactful way without even telling me I was being ridiculous!!), and answered all my panicked messages about things going wrong – she is a superstar and runs the Facebook group Health Recalibrated – so go join for some great discussions!
Feel free to share any comments, questions, stories (similar stories of foolishness especially welcome!!)- I always love hearing from you. Sharing stories and connecting with others is a great way to share information. Take care x
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